What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
