Swine flu. Run for my life!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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