my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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