the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
