Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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