Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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