I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
that is very illegal...i love you.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
