end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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