I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
