I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
