Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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