Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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