That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
