somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Drunk is not a location!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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