as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
