Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
