addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
