No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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