I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
