I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
