he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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