I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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