so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
honey bunches of taint.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
