that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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