just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
