HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
