and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
