Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Your dad touched me again.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
