So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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