I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
