Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
