so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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