You really coming over, don't trick.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
