So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
This is my gift to your gina
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
