U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
