Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
