Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
