This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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