she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
