Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
