Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
