no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I think my moral compass just broke
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