Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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