My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
