I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize