it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Randomize
