glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
