Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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