i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
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i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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