Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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