my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
