Will you blow on my dice?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
