He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
