Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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