i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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