dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I can't put those talents on a resume
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
