I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
