Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
my being single is dangerous.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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