You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just puked most of my soul out..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
