Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
