she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night