evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
