I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
