So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
