your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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