yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I need to sanitize my soul.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
