don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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