I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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