yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
